Halo:Christmas Shopping
by Leonidas 82
Summary: In a cheap ad campaign, Microsoft and Bungie force the cast of Halo 2 to spend the day at a local shopping mall dressed as Santa and his Elves, to promote the game. All day they have to hear what kids, and even a few celebrities, want for Christmas. R&R w
1. Default Chapter

**Halo: Christmas Shopping**

**by Leonidas 82**

In a cheap ad campaign, Microsoft and Bungie force the cast of Halo 2 to spend the day at a local shopping mall dressed as Santa and his Elves, to promote the game. All day they have to hear what kids, and even a few celebrities, want for Christmas. R&R welcome.

The Master Chief had not been looking forward to today. He stood in the dressing room and looked at himself in the mirror. He was wearing his Mark Six MJOLNIR battle armor, but today he had been forced to wear something that just took his dignity away. Over his helmet he wore a green pointed hat with a bell on the end, over his torso was an awful green and red Christmas sweater, and on his feet he wore little pointed shoes with bells on each tip. Today he was an elf. Even worse, he was one of Santa's elves.

He strode out of the fitting room and into malls courtyard, where Santas Workshop had been set up. Already the line of kids and parents had stretched around the malls entrance. The Chief sighed as he walked up too the empty seat and stood next too it. No one had told him who would be playing Santa, and it really intrigued who it might be. He noticed on the other side of the chair a metal box with a crystal surface. It was a holo projector. "Why is there holo pad here?" he thought to himself.

His thoughts were cut of by the stompping of loud boots and a deep gravelly voice yelling"HO!HO!HO!" The line parted and a loud, black, 'Santa' walked forward. In all his jolly goodness somthing just didn't seem right to the Chief. Just as the Santa had gotten about half way too the chair when it hit Chief who Santa was. "Oh God no...," he just muttered to himself, rubbing his temple. "They got you too play Santa, Johnson?"

Sergeant Johnson, in a bright red Santa suit and fat-padding, sat down. His fake white beard and long white whig just made him look foolish. Though he appeared to be as happy as ever, with the smell of Jack Daniels, on his breath, and a long Cuban cigar in his mouth."Yeah I showed up. Part of the contract I signed with Bungie."

"To play Santa?" the Chief asked.

"No. After the success of the first game I had too sign my pride and sense of shame over to Microsoft." replied Johnson.

"That dosen't seem fair."

"I thought so too at first, but in return their lawyers made those nasty charges involving Angela Bassett go away."

"Yeah , makes sense I guess. You really need to control yourselves at those E3 conferances. Slugging famous actresses isn't a great way to advance your career."

"Hey you mind your own damn bussiness! I heard what I heard. She made that proposition to me!"

"For the last time! She didn't say you could watch her make out with seventy-two virgins. It was one seven-foot-two Persian!"

The Sergeant muttered something under his breath.

"What?", asked the Chief.

"Nothing...", replied the Sergeant.

"Didn't think so."

After about five minutes akward silence, a womans voice cut in over the Chiefs comm."So Chief how are you feeling?"

It was Cortana. This was a pleasent surprise for the Chief, he hadn't known she was gonna be here either. "Like a corprate whore, if you must know."

"Well at least you don't look like one." Cortana replied. Suddenly the holo projector flared to life and the AI's image appeared over the crystal surface. Though instead of her standard appearance, she was dressed in a very short red skirt and form-hugging red top. She wore long elbow length red gloves, and knee high black, high-heeled boots, and it was all topped off with a red Santa hat. She wore her hair long and it touched her shoulders.

"You look...uh...nice"the Chief managed to stammer out.

The Sergeant just looked her up and down. "You're a program. So why do keep changing your hair-do."

"More like 'hair- don't'." The Chief cut in.

Both the Sergeant and the Chief started laughing, until Cortana's image grew to tower about twenty feet over them and turned a brilliant red ans orange to express her anger. " DO HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY DIFERENT WAYS I COULD KILL YOU AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT!?" the AI roared.

When the Sergeant opened his eyes he found both himself and the Master Chief cowering behind the Santa throne. He looked at the Spartan and said "Do something!"

"Like what?!?" the Chief growled.

"Tell her she looks pretty."

The Chief glared at him."She's a 'smart' AI! She'll never fall for that!"

"Just try it!"

The Chief hesitantly walked forward and said,"Hey Cortana."

The fuming AI looked down at him,"WHAT?!?"

"You look very pretty this morning." the Chief just crossed his fingers behind his back.

Suddenly Cortana's image shrank back down to normal size and her color went back to the bluish hue it normally had."Really? What kind of pretty? Like pretty pretty, or skanky pretty?"

Before the Chief could answer the mall manager yelled,"Santa's Workshop is open.!" and pulled back the velvet rope.

The Chief just looked up and mouthed,"Thank you, Jesus!"

**To be Continued...**


	2. Chapter Two

**Halo: Christmas Shopping- Chapter Two**

**-by Leonidas 82**

The first child was led up to where Sergeant Johnson sat, and put on his lap. He looked at the kid and gave the jolly filled,"Merry Christmas little boy! Have you been a good boy this year?"

"Yes Santa. I've been extra nice to my sister and little brother all year long!" the child explained eagerly.

"Well what can Santa get for you?"Johnson said in best fat guy voice.

"Well I have really been wanting a Gamecube. And that new Metroid game."the boy said with youthful glee.

The Sergeant looked at the Master Chief, and they both nodded to each other."Don't you know, little boy, that Gamecube is made by Nintendo?"

The boy looked a little confused, but nodded."So?"

"Well you claimed to be a good little boy. Yet you are buying foreign made imports, instead of supporting that fine American-based company, Microsoft. So it sounds like you have lied to Santa." Johnson answered.

The little boy looked nervous for a second and said,"No Santa I would never lie to you! Please don't put me on your naughty list!"

Sergeant Johnson looked at the boy quietly for a minute then gave a merry laugh."Don't worry little boy! Santa has a great gift for you indeed!" He motioned for the Chief to bring over the large red bag. Johnson reached into it, and pulled out large gun with a little red bow on it. "This is an MA5B Assault Rifle."

The kids eyes lit up."Cool!"

"Ever since Halo Two was released, Bungie...er...I mean the Iron Fisted dictators who run the north pole, have been looking for something to do with these. I dont think they'll miss just one." Johnson said laughing. Cortana and the Chief just shook thier heads in silent shame as the kid got up and started to leave.

"Oh and before you go."the Sarge said."Take these!" He pulled a few clips ,for the rilfe, from the bag and threw it too the kid.

The next child, a little girl, was led up to Johnson and put on his lap. the sarge asked,"Have you been a good little girl...uh...little girl?"

"Yes sir." the absolutely adorable little girl replied. She reached into her pocket and withdrew an inhaler and took a deep breath.

"Well little cutie, what can Santa get you too make you a happy little princess?" Cotana asked the little girl.

The little girl looked at Cortana with her big blue eyes, and said,"Can you take my asthma away Santa?"

Both the Master Chief and Cortana's hearts melted that instant, but Johnson was unmoved by the scene. "I think it's important ,little girl, that we learn too live with the hand God dealt us. You may just have too realize you have asthma, and can't do anything about it. Just like I have too live with the fact that there are pictures of me being spanked by Peruvian midgets, floating around the internet, and I can't do anything about it. Do you understand?" the Sarge asked

Before the girl could respond, an idea came to the Chief. "Little girl I have the perfect present for you!" He reached in the bag and pulled out a small gas tank that could be worn across the back. It had a small hose connected to it that pumped the tanks contents into a small breathing mask that could fit over the nose and mouth. The little girl reluctantly put the mask over her face and the tank around her shoulder. She happily waved at the Chief, stood up and walked back to where her parents were waiting.

Cotana smiled at the Chief and said."That was sweet. What was that tank from by the way? It looked awfully familiar."

"Oh that was one of the enviro tanks used by the Grunts on set. It always helped those little guys breath better too." the Chief replied.

"Wait a second!"the AI paused."Don't the Grunts breath metha-"

A loud thud made the Chief,Cotana and the Sarge turn around. And sure enough the little girl had fallen over unconsious. "Bungies lawyers aren't gonna like this..." Johnson cut in. He looked at the line of kids that was still rather long"Whos next?"


End file.
